As I lay here peacefully, while my Angel of a daughter cuddles next to my bosom, breathing effortlessly, I feel a sense of peace.
For months I have panicked about many things. As a brand new mom, every topic under the sun has amplified my Postpartum Anxiety. Yet, the one source of worry for me that has been consuming my everyday thoughts is this: how is our future going to unfold? What a silly thing for me to carry so much worry about – something I know very well that is completely out of my control.
What I am in control of though is my ability to stay calm and approach each day as it comes. Living in the Now as Eckhart Tolle reminds us to do. Today, I had an epiphany: no matter what happens, I am doing my very best as a mother, as a soon-to-be wife, and most importantly, as an individual.
It is so easy to lose oneself in the perinatal process, no matter the level of knowledge or expertise one may have about maternal + child health. This is exactly what I have been letting happen to me these last 8 months since becoming a mom to Jovie. How did I know any better though?
The peaceful feeling I embody is this: each day she grows, I am growing too. We are figuring out life together and there is no way of knowing what the future will hold. No way of knowing how we will make ends meet after that dreaded one-year mark arrives. Absolutely no way of knowing if we are making the right decisions today and how they will affect us down the road.
All I can keep doing is growing strong. Into the best mother, the best partner, the best friend, the best homemaker, the best nurse, the best person I can be. I am imperfectly perfect the way I am and I am doing the very best today, with the skills and knowledge that I currently have.
Here’s to a good nights rest, no matter the number of wake-ups and relatches it may bring.